The Great Chase

I know I gave up on a lot of people. And I gave up so easily. I did not allow them their moment to speak, their turn to make a speech. I just ran away and tried my best not to look back. I looked back a few times, but only to make sure they weren't still there. I don't know why I chose to leave them the way I did. All I know is it wasn't the same anymore, it wasn't what I wanted that time. I didn't wake up with the idea that I had to leave someone. It was a grueling process, which made me doubt the genuineness of my own emotions.

I don't go into something big with the thinking that it wouldn't last. We all go into something with the desire to keep it for a long time, if possible, for forever. It's the irrational driving force behind the pursuit of a great love affair. And that's what it is for me all those times: an opportunity for a great love affair. And as much as I tried to pursue the spark that went with each one, the light waned. There wasn't much to save.

That's the reason behind the fears I have right now. The one I have right now is so different from everything else I've had before. We all think that we won't ever stop chasing the current one. That we'll never get tired of having them by our side. And I'm scared that one day I'll screw it all up because of something stupid. I say it over and over. I think this is the first time I felt this much for someone who actually feels the same about me, too. It's different, wholly different. And I'm happy that it is what it is.

One author wrote that forever was so many different things. That it was always changing. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant you wished would last and last. Well the truth about forever is you choose how long it'll last. You just have to know when it's happening. Or else you'll miss the chance of a lifetime.

We both know that we want this to be the last. So my heart's wish is that we never stop chasing each other. Maybe we'll get so used to each other and have a kind of old-shoe relationship, but I hope we never wane. :)