unbalanced

it's so hard to maintain this facade. it's getting harder every day. if i could escape this feeling, i would. i could drown myself in books and hobbies but when i crawl into my bed, i'll still be haunted by the same things. i'm just trying to get through one day without doing something stupid like tell you how much i miss you. and tell you that everything seems so wrong without you. and i just want you back and everything will be forgiven. and that we can start over with a clean slate. and that the only thing that would quiet my raging heart is having you back in my life.

i am walking on eggshells around myself. is it even possible to feel so fragile and be in so much pain that i can't even have a conversation with myself? every time i try move forward, i take two steps back. am i supposed to forget everything and move on? how do you forget someone you wanted to build your life with? how is this easy for you to even do?