Disoriented

If you're reading this, you'll know that it's about you. These days, things are kind of always about you. And it sorta sucks, in a way. So I think I should change that. No, you won't be the only highlight. And no, you won't be just a footnote.

I wanted to ask you a few things. But I can't bring myself to ask those questions right now. The answers scare me. So I move past the sad parts of my day and try my best to not think about that anymore. But I am an over-thinker. I think about things and dissect and cross-examine possible angles. I can't not process things. I think it is a compulsion.

I am so confused right now. And confusion is not really a welcome state in my world. I like it when things are clear. Or you know, if I can at least understand things, that would be better than confusion. But at times when I get confused, I get sad. I'm tired of being sad. It does not help anybody. It does not help me.

Then, I thought about it, you make me feel good. I have not felt this way in a while. I like having you around. It makes me kind of happy. But I hate the expectation I put on you. I hate the fact that I don't really know what you're thinking, or what you're feeling for that matter. Do you think about the same things I think about? It scares me how much I am willing to care for another person who might not even feel the slightest bit of care in him for me.

I have been in this state before. So I kinda should know what to do. But that's the thing, I SHOULD know. But I have no idea what to do. In these cases, you never really know what to do. I know I said that I'll be fine once I've said the words. I am fine. Well, most days I am. But there will be days when everything will get so heavy that I'll just get sad. Don't worry. I have lots of days like that because of everything going on in my life. It's just easy to say that it's just about you. But it's not. :)