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i wish i could say that you never had me to begin with
that what we had was a fluke, not to be taken seriously
that when i held your hand i thought how silly it was
that when i rested my head on your chest i couldn't wait for the moment to be over
that when i cried on your lap i never felt any comfort
that every time i had a bad day your face wasn't the one i craved to see
your lips weren't the ones i wanted to fucking kiss
and that your arms never felt like home.

but denying myself that i felt all those things at one point in my life?
why would i do that?
i was brave enough to embrace all of those feelings
i just wish i had more courage: to let go when things went from bad to worse.
loving you was hard, i fought harder than you ever did
but i have zero regrets, love.