I find solace in social media - in the art created by other people who have experienced the same thing I am going through. I am going through the same things as they did in theory, but different in the nuances. Their words, their pictures give me comfort. It is hard for me to be vocal about pain. It remains stuck in my throat - a lump that never leaves.
I have been frustrated beyond belief about how I am not acting as broken as I am supposed to be. I have been frustrated by the manner of your leaving. You left in the night, creeping out the side door while the ground was shaking me through my bones. Your feet were itching to walk away from our magic. While my feet remain steady in its roots. The shaking has turned mild. I have more light now guiding me.
It's going to take some getting used to. The shaking won't go away easily. I have mornings when I don't think about you at all. But then, I've had that one morning when I woke up in a shroud of sadness. I need to learn how to live with the ache in my chest. It's living inside of me and it's a big part of who I will become. What I will do with the pain is up to me. And I have decided to be okay and take these things as they come. I won't purge the pain away, because it can't be done. This is something I must go through and I must not skip the bad parts of growing up.
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