october

It's October! It's the last quarter of the year! 2017 flew by so fast. All the struggles I felt closing in on me at the beginning of the year seems so far away when I think about them now. We're down to the last three months of the year and we all have to make it count!

October also happens to be my birth month! I'm turning 26 this year - in a week, actually. It's kind of dawning on me how, in five days, I'll be closer to 30 than 20! I mean, 25 felt like a big deal. But 30??? It's four years away and that feels unreal! When we were younger, 30 (even 26, amirite?) felt so OLD! 30 felt like a good age to have your shit together: ie: amass enough wealth and experience and success. 30 felt like a good place, when your career is in an upward trajectory and you're on your way to being Somebody. 30 felt like a time for settling and putting your roots down. 30 felt like stability and certainty! I wonder how I'll feel next year though. And as we age, does the number weigh less or more?

Growing up really opens your eyes to the reality that there is no correct age to do the things you want to do. And that as you go along, you realize that the way you feel is probably the way the generation before you felt when they were your age. Now, as much as I hate saying this, the pressure on our generation to pursue and achieve a meaningful and purposeful life has been magnified by social media. Achieve is the name of the game. I mean, as cliche and redundant as it goes, you can't really compare your real life to someone else's highlight reel. You may not be able to travel as much as another person on your timeline or eat out as often as you like or get the latest shit to hit the market. But I'd like to think that each one of us has that thing someone else might want or long for.

Growing up also doesn't mean letting your dreams fly away from your grasp. The dreams just become more grounded and solid as opposed to wispy and flighty. I took the steps that I felt like I needed to take this last year to find where my heart really is. And I'm glad to say that graduate school is the right choice. I also moved to another company that I feel like I can believe in and maybe even fall in love with. I also made one of the most adult decisions I've ever made this year: to move out of our home. It's been two months since I moved into my own space. And I'm loving every minute of this independence.

I'm in a better place than I was at the beginning of the year. I'm in a better place than I was this time last year! I was in such a bleak state last year and I felt like it would take a miracle for me to even survive 2016. Here I am 12 months later, in a better, more positive state of mind. Things are a lot less murkier than they were last year. But that doesn't mean I'm no longer sweating out on what the future holds.

I admit, I've been too wrapped up in my cocoon this past year. What with me trying to survive and put the pieces of my life back together, heartbreak can do that to you. And when you learn to trust yourself again and piece everything together, you'll have to contend with the cracks there, too. I guess what I'm trying to say is I needed to see to myself first before I could even begin to think about other people. I guess as I turn a year older (dare I say, really wiser), I challenge myself to live and breathe by the principle I speak of. And in turn, I challenge myself to do even more for others.