I was young, and I was restless. I found comfort with people who carried a promise. I found love in something so unexpected. I was not looking for it. But opportunity came. Someone I want to forget introduced us. Not that I bear a grudge against this person who brought me love. No, I just wanted a change from this person, and it never came. But that's a story for another time.
When I met this love, I was nursing a broken heart. My dreams could not be realized as immediately as I wanted to. And well, I was on a high from that summer. I wanted a lot of things to happen simply because I believed they could happen. But college taught me the rules. Things do not just come to you; you have to put in some hours, labor, and a little more passion to get what you want.
It was a weekday. After my Spanish class, a couple of friends asked me if I wanted to hang out and walk around campus with them. I was a freshman--I was up for anything. And there we were, three little girls exploring a big, wide world.
The person who didn't change actually had to attend some orientation that we were dragged into. I had nothing better to do so what the hell, right? I forgot which auditorium it was at, but man, I was not that impressed. Some people were nice, yeah, but that was it. I stuck around a couple more gatherings. And then it hit me: I met you already. Little did I know, you were already occupying a tidy, little corner in my head. I looked forward to the days when we could hang out and chill. I was hooked. The honeymoon stage lasted quite long. Months after we became officially tied together, we still felt the thrill and excitement.
But a year after our first meeting, I discovered a slight glitch in this romance. It wasn't as perfect as we made it out to be. We started to have fights and silly misunderstandings. Yeah, we stuck it out. But it was there, the resentment, and I felt it grow. People around us began to change, the way fallen leaves were replaced by new ones. We remained the same, together.
We fell back into a routine. I guess that's how we maintained our relationship. Every so often, we broke this silly routine and had crazy life adventures. But we'd always go back and settle with the familiar things. We still had fights, yes. But we learned to ignore the facts and just shrugged all the words left unsaid off. Who knew it would blow up on our faces? But we'll get to that.
It's already been two years since we met. Can you believe that? I could. I do. But I know we'd already dumped the unsaid words too much. It's time to let it all out. Well, some at the very least. We are still together. I just don't understand what's happening anymore. I wish we could go back to the happier times. We aren't sad now. That's not what I mean. We just have too many secrets, too many shared disappointments. And I sense a gap between us. A gap that seems to be widening at this very minute. Maybe memories can bring us back. Maybe they can make us remember who we used to be before all this and how much we have grown because of what we have.
We are not yet hopeless. We are just in need of motive to continue this and not give up on each other. I have watched other people walk away from you. And I am not going to make the same damn mistake these people made. I am choosing to stay despite the complicated relationships we have in between. It is hard to share, especially something as delicate as ours, but how much will I grow if I do not have this.
I guess we need to find it in us to be brave and bold. We have to make choices in order to survive this.
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