letter #283471

hey you.

how are you? it's raining here in manila. i'll sure be sleeping with a blanket wrapped cozily around me. i have this routine, you know, i wake up at odd times in the night. i don't exactly know why. it's difficult to get a goodnight's sleep because of this. the best sleep i've gotten in a while was last friday night, when i fell asleep crying over a message you sent (which i don't actually remember, i was surprised you even greeted me at midnight). i felt like i slept well but i had a massive hangover so i'm not really sure. how about you? have your nights been easy?

it's hard knowing where you are and what you're doing. it's hard to think about the spaces in between where you are and what you're supposed to be doing. i fill those spaces with imagined scenarios, conversations. who did you text when your plane landed? who did you think to call to say you have arrived safely at your hotel? who did you talk to last night, right before bedtime? who is she?

i didn't like it when i flew alone. or when i get to the hotel room with a huge bed (or two) knowing full well i'll be alone. those days aren't really yours so you can't just go around and explore. it's a good thing that i like hotel rooms and those bulky blankets. it's a bonus if they have lots of pillows.

i hope everything goes well over there. don't eat too much lechon. you still have that vertigo thing you need to get checked. tell your dad i say happy birthday. i miss baby ailey. i miss your mom. i even miss your dad even if he's so scary. i miss everyone. especially you.

have a safe trip.

love,
nikki