letter #283561

i hate this, this missing you a lot. there are days when i am completely overcome by this ache i have for you.
it doesn't help that there are pieces of you with me.
i have all the instax pictures of us. i can't even put them up anymore and it makes me sad.
what do i do with all the stuff we used to have together?
maybe slowly, i'll be able to throw them away one by one. or burn them.
or keep them and be able to look at them with indifference.
mementos of the time we had together. like souvenirs from a long ago trip i had.

i am slowly coming to terms with not having you in my life in that special way. there's still that lingering hope that one day you'll wake up and just know that i am the woman of your dreams. but at the same time, there's that relief of not having to explain who i am to someone who refuses to accept me. it helps that you did some asshole-y things to me. i wonder what memories you call on to drown the aching you have for me. do you ache for me still? i wonder which monstrous details of me you summon to forget me.

maybe it's easier for us to be friends later on since we have no anger for each other. or are you angry with me?

i still wake up in the middle of the night. i want my sleep back.

have fun in davao. i hope the rain doesn't affect you there. i miss you.